Twenty

Video Posted on

Welcome to my new blog!!

Today, I turn 20. And I wrote a little song about it called “Only One” (above). I have a story to tell you about this song but, unfortunately, it’s a bit sad. No apologies. Here we go.

When I was 7, our cat Moab disappeared. He was the sweetest little cat and never strayed too far from home so my parents assumed he had died out there. Having never had a relative or friend die, this was the first time I felt loss. When writing this song I chose small things I remember from each age of my life that are still applicable to me now, at 20. For seven I wrote: “Still wonder as if I were seven/When pets die do they go to heaven?”. Little did I know that just two weeks ago, while I was away at school, my cat, Jasper, passed.  My parents told me three days ago, on Tuesday, as they drove me home from the airport (they didn’t tell me earlier because they didn’t want to distract me from my finals). I cried the rest of the way home. These lyrics that I had written about an old memory now had a fresh and painful meaning. When I first sat at my piano to record the video, I couldn’t sing that part of the song without completely breaking down.

Now that we’re done with that brief sadness let’s move on. ( the best we can)

I told that story for a couple reasons.

1. I’m starting this blog for myself. I want it to be readable and I don’t want it to be too self-indulgent but I will be talking about big events in my life. Sad and happy. So it goes.

2. When I wrote this song, I intended it to mostly be happy. Then this happened and all of a sudden I saw all the sadness in my song. I still feel the joy of youth, but I also feel the confusion and sadness. Writing can be  incredible. Sometimes I won’t realize the meaning in something I’ve written until I look back on it later. Which means I need to WRITE. This blog will help me do that!

3. I’m entering my twenties with a big hole in my life. Call me silly but my cat meant everything to me and I miss her like crazy. But because this happened right before my birthday I have a larger need to attack my twenties with passion and compassion. I don’t know how well this whole blog thing will go. I don’t know if I’ll update it frequently or have profound things to say, but it’s the first new project of my twenties. I hope to fill every old hole in my life with something new and meaningful. (or at least build some mountains next to the valleys so that the scenery of my life would be an awesome tourist destination)

Thank you for reading and if I’m writing this to myself, well, I hope that this is an adventure worth having.

~Kaysy
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